T.v bad for you is you can miss out on life.Why is you can miss out on life like not going to school .You wont get a education or a degree.Also miss out on family.How you can miss out on spending time with your family on the holidays and you will be watching t.v.Another is what a about a job.You would need the money to support yourself and you will just watch t.v.T.v is bad for by brain wash.It can brain wash you by buying things of the tv.Also it can brain wash you by just laying down on the coach becuase your brain said so .Another is you can get lazy by just staring at the tv.Also you can get addicted by watching tv shows.Friday, November 11, 2011
T.V is bad 4 you
T.v bad for you is you can miss out on life.Why is you can miss out on life like not going to school .You wont get a education or a degree.Also miss out on family.How you can miss out on spending time with your family on the holidays and you will be watching t.v.Another is what a about a job.You would need the money to support yourself and you will just watch t.v.T.v is bad for by brain wash.It can brain wash you by buying things of the tv.Also it can brain wash you by just laying down on the coach becuase your brain said so .Another is you can get lazy by just staring at the tv.Also you can get addicted by watching tv shows.
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Your post still doesn't have even close to 5 paragraphs, even though you had plenty of time to type your whole essay here. What happened?
ReplyDeleteHere are my comments about the paper copy of the essay you turned in.
1. Your intro paragraph clearly states your opinion and 3 reasons you have to support your opinion. Good job.
2. You have 3 body paragraphs, each with a topic sentence and each talking about 1 of your main reasons for thinking TV is bad. Again, good job.
3. Your conclusion paragraph DOES NOT restate the reasons why you think TV is bad.
4. Your next step for improving your essay could be to make sure you explain what you mean in your body paragraphs. Sometimes you use words or have ideas that might be clear to you but aren't to your reader. An example is "brain washing." What does it look like to be brain washed by TV? Is it buying things, is it being lazy, is it going crazy? Try to be clear so your reader knows what you mean.
Score: 17/20