Music is important for having fun.We need it for dancing. Without out dancing life would be boring. Also we need music for parties. Parties are mostly for blasting the music.
Music is important for survival by helping us think. Remembering stuff like songs you gain more brain cells. It helps you think or music will help you calm you down. Also when your doing homework and listening to music helps you think.Music is important by having a bad day. You can relax. How you can relax is you go home to sleep while listening to music. You relate songs what you felt today. How is if you are mad,sad, or happy you can relate to the songs .
Those were my reasons. That is why music is important by having fun,it helps you think and if you have a bad day music will help.
Hi Paulina,
ReplyDeleteHere are my comments about your essay. You are very good at creating a clear introduction paragraph, 3 body paragraphs each about 1 topic, and a clear conclusion paragraph.
I'd like to see you proofread your essay more carefully next time, to make sure you use complete sentences that make sense. For example, in your 4th paragraph you wrote "You relate songs what you felt today." I think, if you'd re-read your essay carefully, you'd have known to put a "to" in between the word "songs" and "what." This sort of thing happens a few times throughout your essay.
I'd also like to see you get more specific with your body paragraphs. This essay seems like you could easily have put in some personal examples of when you listened to certain songs and had fun at a party because of it, or when you listened to music after a bad day you had. The more detail you include, the more convincing your essay would be.
Overall, you did a good job stating your opinion and your reasons. Now you need to work on proving your opinion by using stronger details in each body paragraph.
Score: 17/20